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July 19 greener grass ...(I know this isn't the 2nd part of my story but something happened today that I need to write about and share. I promise the next part of "Letting Go' will be added before the weekend.)
I have a job I love and I know you know that already. But with the job comes a degree of sadness. I have a special way with some kids.. kids that are lost to an extent. I'm able to calm them and connect with them. A friend once said that it's because I am very empathetic and the kids can sense that I know how they feel, even if they can't vocalize it, so they feel safe with me.
Today I held onto a little girl's grandmother. The little girl was just diagnosed as Autistic. A truly heartbreaking diagnoses and one I would not wish on my worst enemy. The grandma realized today that this little girl will probably never fall in love, never get married, never have the life she has dreamt for her and she broke down in tears. All I could do was hold her. I offered no false platitudes that things would be okay. I offered nothing more then my hugs. No words were needed once the tears had stopped. She smiled, said "thank you" and we went back to our discussion about activities that might help her granddaughter.
Thankfully the rest of my day was full and I didn't have a chance to cry myself until the ride home. And when I got home I made my son's favourite meal, promised them ice cream for breakfast as a treat, and hugged them extra hard when I tucked them in tonight. Too often we forget to look at what we have and be thankful for it. We too easily take it for granted... and look over to the next yard and wonder why their grass is greener and what can we do to have what they have. What we don't always realize is that they may be looking at our yard and wondering the same thing. There is always, ALWAYS, someone out there wishing they had what we have but we don't see that because we are too busy looking at someone else and wishing for the same thing ...
I guess what I'm trying to say, in my round about way is, take a moment and look at what you have. It might not be perfect, it might not be every thing you hoped it would be at this point in your life but if you look at all the good that is in your life and all that makes you truly happy and take a moment to be thankful for it .. then for that moment your heart will be full and you may just find yourself smiling and realizing your life really isn't all that bad after all ...
and if you say prayers, please say one for all the families that may not have what you have in your life and may not be able to see what there is to be thankful for just yet because they have been handed a truly difficult challenge ... pray for these families that are struggling to find their happiness again. October 23 chosen paths ...I was "home" this weekend celebrating my dad's birthday. We were sitting around the table talking and eating (as it was at my sister's house and she is married to a wonderful Italian guy - there is always plenty to eat). I was sharing how I had a wonderful morning because the little girl I've been working with finally allowed several drops of pudding to be placed on her lips without turning blue and setting off all the alarms. My dad looked over, shook his head and said "hon, I don't know how you do it. I couldn't." I just shrugged and we moved onto another topic.
I thought about the comment on my 2 hour drive home .. how do I do "it"? I never really have given it much thought. I know that is not an uncommon question as I've heard it numerous times before. I'm a pediatric occupational therapist assistant and I love what I do. I work with medically complex kids. There are lots of bells and whistles, lots of tubes, lots of challenges... and lots of things that can be intimidating.
This isn't a path I chose for myself. I think this is a path that I was meant to follow but for the longest time denied knowing that. I had grown up being the one who brought home the sick and injured animals. I gravitated towards the children who needed extra help. I never saw the wheelchair but the person in it. After I graduated from high school I placated my father and went to college for a year. I can't even remember what I was majoring in.. secretarial science? I dont' know but after that year I left and started traveling. I eventually settled down in one place and came to work with a company as a corporate travel agent. One thing led to another.. one year to another.. one raise to another. I got married, had children and continued working. I climbed the corporate ladder for the next ten years. I was very good at my job and had a nice salary to go along with it. I won several work and leadership awards but ... truthfuly, I wasn't happy. Something was missing...
Then 9/11 happened and changed the world as we knew it. It also made me realize that I couldn't keep wasting my time at a job that I wasn't happy doing any longer. So, with the support of the hubby and kids I quit and went back to school. I took a less stressful and demanding job (my husband is self-employed and we needed the insurance and the money for the college costs). I kept telling my professors I wanted to work with children. I kept getting the smile and nod and then encouragement to try and direct myself towards the geriatric population as that was where there would be more opportunities. I just smiled and nodded back.
It wasn't easy. There were more nights then I care to admit where I managed to survive on only a couple of hours of sleep because of studying and homework, where I had to get up to get the kids off to school .. papers were due, kids were sick at home, bills had to be paid, internships needed to be completed .. but 2 1/2 years later I got my degree! I sent out resumes and letters and after a year of "hopping around in various pediatric settings" came to be at the hospital where I now work and call home. I am one of the few people who love what they do and actually look forward to going to work each day.
It isn't always easy. I have accidentally pulled out a g-tube (Gastrostomy Tube - tube placed in the stomach region to deliver nutrients and medication to a child who can not take it orally). I have been peed on, thrown up on, drooled on (drool is a daily occurance actually). I have had things thrown at me by both the toddlers playing and the teens out of frustration. I have yet to have a child I've been working with die. I know that day will come and I know I will probably shed many tears. I have worked with parents who don't care and parents who will do anything and everything to get their child home one day.
But it's rewards far outshine any of it's challenges. When a child who was never expected to smile or interact with their surroundings suddenly starts to bat at toys and, when thrown into the air, shows the beginnings of a smile ... when a child who has never allowed anything to be placed on it's lips begins to accept tiny drops of water without gagging and turning blue ... when a child who wasn't expected to leave the hospital alive is hugging you as they walk out the door on their way home ... when you walk onto the unit and the little boy you've grown to love sees you and raises his hands for his morning hug and cuddle ... well .. you can't help but feel you have found the path you were chosen to follow and you are finally where you are suppose to be ... |
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